With the way we move here, there and everywhere, you guys are the closest thing we have to a “couples support network.” We were talking last night how much we hope we can grow that aspect of this site. We really need it and figure maybe others might want something similar. In that vein, we decided to ask you guys for your help here. We would love to hear from BS, WS and/or both with thoughts, opinions, etc.
Here’s the deal. MC is the “go-to” person at his work for certain areas of his expertise. His office is largely male. The female co-worker (CW), the one he ran into at the airport as described in his “travel travails” and “follow-up to travel travails” posts, is one of many coworkers who seek MC’s guidance within these certain areas from time-to-time.
MC shared with me that he thinks that some of her questions are becoming perfunctory in nature. Yesterday, her questions, though certainly in MC’s purview, were easily searchable on the internet. Frankly, I know the answers to these questions and I don’t even work there. In addition, she tapped his shoulder and said, “hello” in the crowded lunch room when he went to get his lunch out of the refrigerator. He grabbed his lunch and went back to his office, not lingering or talking with her. In a normal world, where my husband had never cheated, I don’t think I would have thought anything of any of this. I hate having these thoughts and feelings, I just was never this type of person. GRRR! But, our world is not “normal,” is it?
We are moving overseas again this summer, so I know our time here is finite. Still, even the remote possibility that she is signaling her availability is enough to raise my radar. And, MC tells me that prior to d-day this was exactly the kind of situation in which he would have taken advantage. He would have encouraged the small talk, looked her in the eyes when talking, stopped by her office from time-to-time, been more open and friendly, never talked about me or the kids and never would have displayed pictures of us in his office. He assures me it is the opposite now in every way.
He has pictures of us in his office. He tells me that he takes every opportunity to mention me in a loving and admiring way. When she came to his office, he answered the question with as few words as possible and then immediately turned to his computer to work, before any small talk could even be attempted, trying to send the message he is not interested in anything but what is necessary professionally. He never seeks her out in anyway. He avoids eating in the lunch room, instead eating his home-prepared lunch alone at his desk.
I do see MC telling me all and he will take another polygraph before we move, as was always the plan. He comes home and tells me without me asking. While I feel he is making great efforts to protect us, I just don’t like that this woman seems to be taking advantage of the fact that MC is the “go-to” person for certain issues and is expected to provide needed information to his coworkers on these issues.
So, while I am advising other women to make sure their husband’s “SLAM the door shut, Mr. Nice Guy be damned,” I feel a bit disingenuous with this going on. Thoughts, ideas on what else can be done to send the “not interested” message while still meeting the expectations of his job?