Table of Contents

Our Story 

  1. I don’t know why we need to talk everyday by TL.
  2. Change my reality by MC.
  3. A missed birthday by TL.
  4. I would if I could get away with it by MC.
  5. Hand me the phone or I will be filing for divorce by TL.
  6. Woe is me by MC.
  7. The baby is not the center of the universe by MC.
  8. Why did I keep pursuing it? By MC.
  9. I again chose my sick obsessions by MC.
  10. Learning to feed the good wolf by TL.
  11. I measured my self-worth by something I perceived was predetermined by MC.
  12. Without free will, we are not “good,” we are just in check by MC.
  13. Some sick part of me felt more manly by MC.
  14. THAT word by TL.
  15. I do love my wife by MC.
  16. WTF? By TL.
  17. Sick obsessions by MC.
  18. The counselor by TL.
  19. I wanted to take those secrets to my grave by MC.
  20. The visit by TL.
  21. TL and I were in hell by MC.
  22. Tell me five more things by TL.
  23. I was angry that I felt inferior by MC.
  24. I cannot, I will not ever do that, not ever! By TL.
  25. The second letter to AP by TL.
  26. I felt so threatened, possessive, and jealous by MC.
  27. Why should mine be any different? By TL.
  28. No amount of sex would have been enough by MC.
  29. Molding a wife, losing me by TL.
  30. Compulsion versus addiction by MC.
  31. Emotional affairs and other sick lies by MC.
  32. Living with blinders on by TL.
  33. Weaving together the life I knew with the life that truly existed by TL.
  34. I never counted my blessings by MC.
  35. Bragging about sex by MC.
  36. Now it is all so crystal clear by TL.
  37. Stop punishing her by MC.
  38. Her memories are now tainted by MC.
  39. I just wanted to chuck the entire past by TL.
  40. Escape into fantasy by MC.
  41. A real shit hole by TL.
  42. Everything had to have a reason, a purpose, and a goal by TL.
  43. Double Life by MC
  44. Not attractive, just available by MC
  45. Where did my friend go? By TL
  46. Compartmentalizing by MC
  47. Struggle to understand this idea of compartmentalizing by TL
  48. You know how cheap she is by MC
  49. Spiraling down by TL
  50. I couldn’t keep track by MC
  51. My friend was gone by TL
  52. Atonement and vows by MC
  53. Counting my blessings by MC
  54. I was a walking zombie by TL
  55. Pain by MC
  56. Fear by MC
  57. Through my own eyes by TL
  58. I’m not a little boy by MC
  59. Mad at myself for feeling disappointed by TL
  60. He didn’t have all the answers by TL
  61. I will never again be a liar by MC
  62. Going with MC by TL
  63. Was I just fooling myself? by TL
  64. Vasectomy by MC
  65. Remorse by MC
  66. Counseling by MC
  67. Where’d you go, TL? by TL
  68. Building new pathways by MC
  69. Pretty damn good by TL
  70. Changing tack by TL
  71. Learning to listen by MC
  72. A cyclical pattern by TL
  73. My own midlife crisis by TL
  74. TrainWreck by TL
  75. Apology for infidelity by MC
  76. Response to Trainwreck by MC
  77. My own shame by TL
  78. Gilmartin’s “Self-pity is a drug”
  79. September 13th by TL
  80. Today, I feel “ok” by TL
  81. Thinking it through by TL
  82. Putting it out there by TL
  83. Motivation matters more than method by MC
  84. Chariots of ire by MC
  85. State of our union by MC
  86. A beautiful day by TL
  87. The dog story
  88. Unexploded ordnance
  89. The monkey-bar phenomenon
  90. Beautifully bound by Bryan Reeves
  91. Compartmentalization
  92. I’m sorry, but it’s over
  93. Another brain worm
  94. Never the twain shall meet

For Both

  1. Guilt, shame, and triggers
  2. Ego vs. self-esteem
  3. The past can never be better
  4. Measures of Safety
  5. Nobody said it would be easy
  6. Count your blessings
  7. Talking openly and honestly
  8. It’s never done
  9. Reconciled versus reconciling
  10. It’s not all perfect and easy
  11. Is he cheating? Warning signs of infidelity
  12. Self-compassion vs. self-pity
  13. Over-parenting begets childish men
  14. Two thoughts
  15. Why did I cheat?
  16. Let’s talk about love
  17. “Should have” is a form of self-pity
  18. Esther Perel and Rick Reynolds, a comparison
  19. Listening

For The Betrayed Spouse

  1. Letting go of fear
  2. I am different now
  3. Why do I stay?
  4. Selfish Oppressive Bastard (SOB) Syndrome
  5. Stuck in mediocrity
  6. The jungle nightmare
  7. Changing thoughts
  8. Favorite songs
  9. Virtual workout buddy, anyone?
  10. Honesty and monogamy
  11. A victim mentality
  12. A lesson to learn
  13. Let’s talk about sex baby
  14. Communication
  15. Getting rid of the rose and gray-colored glasses
  16. Maybe that is what forgiveness will mean to me
  17. July: ignorance to angst to, hopefully one day, reclamation
  18. A cyclical pattern
  19. Questions, Questions, Questions
  20. Ashley Madison
  21. Forgiveness
  22. Restoring dignity and honor
  23. I don’t want to be Atlas
  24. Waiting to live
  25. Let go or be dragged
  26. Sharing “Which Direction is Good for You? Head that way. . .” by Elle at Betrayed Wives’ Club
  27. Now you see it
  28. I don’t want to have that responsibility
  29. Sometimes I just still really need my dad
  30. Learning to focus on inputs, not outputs
  31. Pet peeves
  32. I need to get there
  33. Another brain worm

For The Unfaithful Spouse

  1. Don’t be a victim
  2. Reminders of my evil self
  3. God gave me a treasure
  4. What is love?
  5. Types of Shame
  6. Beyond twelve-step programs
  7. Self-pity and how I prevent it
  8. Why I regret cheating
  9. Our steps, part one of many
  10. Our steps, part two
  11. Remorse
  12. The risk dichotomy
  13. What was at risk?
  14. Was it fun to deceive her?
  15. Some books on reconciliation and infidelity
  16. Forty costs of my infidelity
  17. Cultural roots of self-pity and infidelity
  18. Love and ethics
  19. Travel travails
  20. Follow-up to travel travails
  21. Control
  22. Why is porn with your partner different from porn alone?
  23. Coping skills and family secrets
  24. Compartmentalization
  25. Denial
  26. I’m sorry, but it’s over
  27. Image, culture, laziness, and habit

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