Lesson 67 of Recovery Nation says: “a) List the most likely behavior that you will need to monitor for potential ‘switching’ and/or compulsivity now that the sexual rituals have subsided. b) Are these listed anywhere on your weekly monitoring so that you can objectively assess them?”
I recall that I’ve recently categorized my “compulsions” as either responses to nighttime restless energy, self-protecting cowardice, comfort-seeking inflexibility, or obsession with feelings of inadequacy. The value in categorizing these behaviors is to remember that while some may not fit easily into the standard language about compulsions, some do. This question is a good example. Three of these categories just don’t fit with the question.
One does: compulsive responses to nighttime restless energy. In the bad old days, I used porn, masturbation, prostitutes, and affair partners to address that energy. There were also occasions at the beginning of our marriage when I expected my wife to help me address that energy by giving me sex without proper emotional context, an approach that made her question my motives for initiating sex with her even after I stopped the negative approach. Later, after D-day, there was an unfortunate period when I used tobacco instead of sex to address that restless energy. Now, I think I have good self-control regarding my approach to that restless nighttime energy. But, I do need to monitor myself to be sure I don’t turn to alcohol, food, or any other inappropriate means of addressing that energy.