Preventing Slips/Relapse

Lesson sixty of Recovery Nation seems to say to make a plan, or several plans, for sustaining a lifetime commitment to preventing problem behavior.

“Many individuals convince themselves into believing that addiction is permanent, and so they must fear potential relapse every day for the rest of their lives. How effective of a strategy is this? Well, for some it works. Of course, it is impossible to measure the effects of such an approach on that person’s quality of life, but from an abstinence standpoint, it works. But for very few individuals. The great majority instead fall victim to reality (e.g. it is impossible to remain so intensely focused on recovery/relapse every single day) and complacency.”

“And so, while the efforts people made in recovery have been an important value in regaining stability, these efforts are not sufficient to maintain that stability in a healthy life. Why? Because life is not stable; it is fluid. And because this is so, a continued reliance on ‘recovery’ to manage life will fall way short in redeveloping a healthy, fulfilling life. New values must be developed. New skills must be mastered. Otherwise, people will be trapped in a life management strategy that is focused on avoiding the past, and will be incapable of adapting to new, healthy challenges in the future.”

“Lesson 60 Exercise:

1. Develop a Plan”
I view what I just read in lesson 60 as a reference checklist. When trouble arises, I plan to come back to lesson 60 and troubleshoot. Moreover, on a day-to-day basis, I see the guide that I created in lesson 59 as the best tool for preventing trouble. My plan is to re-read that list I wrote, in full detail, each week. Why? Because I know that’s how to effectively remain disciplined.  

I suspect many people are different from me in that regard. I can learn things well enough. Often, I can even do them well enough. My weakness is consistency. For example, I know pretty well how to do a deadlift without hurting myself, how to hit a golf ball, or how to grill a steak. But, every once in a while I lose focus, get distracted, or get hurried. Then, I hurt my back while lifting, top the golf ball, or burn the steak. It’s all about forming good habits. It’s also about constant renewal of focus, concentration, momentum, and commitment. For me, it’s not about seeing a doctor and being cured. Rather, it’s about remembering to eat an apple every day.

“2. Motivators

A fundamental of early recovery is to establish a list of positive motivators that can be used to sustain one’s focus and energy throughout the transition to health. Go back and examine your own motivators (Lesson One) — note those that continue to motivate you today and those that have lost their intensity. You will almost universally conclude that it is the positive motivators that have survived the crisis. Those based on negativity and fear (e.g. I don’t want to lose my marriage; I hate who I have become) tend to lose their ability to motivate as the initial crisis wanes.”

Here’s my list from lesson one. All these reasons are still relevant.

Reasons I seek to permanently change my life

1. I want the quiet confidence that comes from striving for integrity and morality.

2. I want the relative calm that comes with having my priorities straight, instead of the harried existence of a double life.

3. I want my wife to feel safe and to be able to find courage to pursue her own goals.

4. I want to be a good example for my children and for others.

5. I want to earn my wife’s trust, love, and respect.

6. I want to continue using my time productively and investing in meaningful relationships, instead of wasting time with porn, affairs, and prostitutes.

7. I want to continue using money wisely, rather than wasting it on prostitutes and affairs.

8. I want to be able to speak freely about anything I do, feel, or think, without fear that any of it will bring me shame.

9. I want to be able to look back on the remaining few decades of my life with fewer regrets than I have about the first four decades.

10. I want to accomplish things that bring me pride, rather than waste time and energy on things I’m embarrassed to share.

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One thought on “Preventing Slips/Relapse

  1. Upon reflection and discussion, I think I should also mention that this plan for staying focused could benefit from an additional constant reminder to be open-minded and to sincerely and thoughtfully listen to new information, suggestions, or observations from others. Another thing I have been trying to learn and improve, especially in the past five years, is humility and listening. When I was younger, I would be visibility irritated when people offered advice. Now I try hard to consider the advice without getting irritated. This is a work in progress. I should probably re-read this passage each week too, as part of my slip prevention plan.

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