Lesson fifty-six of Recovery Nation says: “You will face many decisions in the coming days, weeks and months that can potentially be greatly influenced by your emotions. Choose a potential compulsive sexual event and assess your decision-making in relation to that event. Assess for the following:”
“Will you be aware that a compulsive sexual event is occurring? (at this stage, you should be)”
It seems I can lump these challenges into two overarching categories: the fear-driven temptation to lie for self-protection, and the selfish desire to be inflexible or to hoard my time rather than adjusting to respond to others or giving my time to therapy and behavior modification.
At this point I’m not talking about sex. Will I be aware a compulsive event is occurring, in the case of a lie? I think so. In the past two instances, my smoking lie and my click-bait lie, I was aware. But, perhaps the question is, how fast can I translate that awareness into problem-solving internal discussion and then action? I think the same analysis would describe my awareness, and the challenge, in the case of choosing between selfishness and flexibility.
“How intense do you anticipate the emotions triggered by this event to be?”
How intense will the fear be, in the case of fear-driven lying? Again, I’d put it at about a five on a scale of one to ten. How intense will the selfishness be in the case of wanting to hoard my time and be inflexible? I think it varies. On average, I might give it a six or seven on that same scale.
“At what point in the decision-making process will you look to your values for guidance?”
In the case of lying, the relevant values are honesty and integrity. In the case of hoarding my time, the values are compassion, empathy, and integrity (keeping my commitments). How soon will I turn to them? I must turn to them immediately when I realize I am struggling with a compulsion to lie or to hoard my time.
“Should you make the decision to act on this sexual event, how long do you anticipate the emotions elicited from the event will last? Hours, days, weeks, years? (e.g. online chatting will provide me with two hours of stimulation)”
Forget about sex here. What if I decide to lie? It may alleviate my fear temporarily, but not for long. As soon as I realize what I’m doing, my telltale heart should start beating, hopefully requiring minutes instead of hours to cause an internal discussion. I think the same should be true when tempted to hoard my time. The key is to catch myself behaving selfishly before it is too late.
“Anticipate the consequences of your decision to act on the compulsive urge. What consequences might there be if you were caught? If you weren’t?”
If I lie, the consequences will include damage to my sense of honesty and integrity and damage to our relationship. If I were not caught, it would still damage my sense of honesty and integrity. If I hoard my time, the consequences would be damage to my developing skills of compassion, empathy, and integrity, as well as damage to our relationship. If I were not caught, it would still damage my development of compassion, empathy, and integrity.
“If there are consequences, how intense do you anticipate the emotions elicited from those consequences might be? How long might they last? Hours, days, weeks, years?”
How intense would the emotions associated with damaging my values be? Perhaps I would give the intensity a five on a scale of one to ten. How long would they last? I think they would last forever, but the intensity would gradually decrease from five to one, over a period of days or weeks.