Here’s an issue I see in myself as well as in other betrayed spouses. It is not so much a complaint as just the reality of a feeling.
MindlessCraft has done a lot to “make-up” for shit. He has taken me to expensive hotels and luxurious spas, weekends away, romantic dinner dates (not just eating out together because he has to do something for birthday or anniversary), and given flowers more times than I can count. He has done far more of these things for me than he ever did for any AP. Yet, he did it for them first (during our marriage). And, it is an awful feeling to me. He may now do such things out of love for me, but I cannot help but realize he is only doing it after he did it for someone else first.
I explained it to him like this. This is going to be GRAPHIC, but it is the only way to make the point. I don’t like blow jobs, and though I’ve tried from time-to-time, I’ve never given one to completion and certainly have never swallowed. Now, I tell MC, imagine I cheat on you and then not only give the guy a blow job (without him even asking), but take him all the way and swallow too. All before I ever did it for you, even though we’ve been married for YEARS. You will always know I did it for him first. How would that make you feel?
And, that example really made him “get it.” He understands. But, what can you do about that? You cannot change the past.