Proactive/Reactive Skill Development

In my last post I described five potential scenarios that might tempt me to talk to some woman outside the bounds of a professional interaction or common courtesy. I attempted to identify emotions I might feel in those scenarios. I do think I have excised most emotions about those hypothetical situations. The important thing is that the emotions I would have felt prior to D-day no longer consume me. It used to be that in such scenarios I would have felt a desire for validation. I do believe I no longer seek validation through interactions with women. Even today I notice myself physically avoiding women, including eye contact. It doesn’t feel like an emotional experience.

Lesson forty-eight of Recovery Nation says to learn three techniques for better responding to temptations. The skills are role-playing, anticipating, and active seeking. The exercises are basically to learn and practice the three skills. First, I think role-playing could be used if I go back to the five hypothetical temptations I described in the last lesson. For, example, I can role-play in my mind what it would be like if some woman tries to talk with me outside the bounds of a professional interaction or common courtesy. I should practice saying things like: “I’d better be going,” or “I was just about to call my wife.”

Anticipating, if I understand the skill, is basically planning. Again, those five hypothetical scenarios I described are part of my planning. Active seeking is, I think, choosing a skill to practice or plan to rehearse and spending the day actively looking for chances to implement it. This is an ongoing thing I will have to continue trying.


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