There is another part of “our story” I want to share, have been very afraid to share, but with everything going on in our country, I just cannot stay silent.
A month after MC and I married, I became pregnant. As you know, those beginning days were filled with fighting. I had started a new job a few months prior and my insurance did not cover pregnancy until I was on the policy for 12 months. I had always wanted to be a mom. But, MC wanted me to have an abortion. He didn’t threaten divorce, just made it very clear he had no interest or desire in being a dad so early on in our marriage, or having the financial burden of an uncovered birth on our shoulders. I was so afraid of bringing our baby into such an environment, of not being able to give my child a better life than I experienced. At that moment, as much as I wanted to be a mom, I wanted our marriage to have a fighting chance more.
I took a few days off of work, one for the procedure and one to recover. I was so sad, I ended-up telling close people I had suffered a miscarriage. It wasn’t true, but I so needed some love and support.
A few months later, MC’s mom was pestering him about making sure I didn’t end up pregnant. He told her it had already happened, but that I had an abortion. She was relieved. She spent years trying to persuade MC to not have children with me. He eventually didn’t listen.
When we were finally ready to have a baby, it took five years and medical help. I know if I had kept that first baby, life would have been different, not necessarily better, just different. One of those possible differences is that I would not have the children we now have. And, I wouldn’t want anything to change their presence in my life. Still, I know I’ve carried anger and sadness inside that MC didn’t say, “Don’t worry about a thing, we will find a way to make this work, I’m so excited you are having our baby.” I’ve carried anger and sadness inside of me that MC used the abortion as a way to reassure his mom, instead of saying, “Mom, back off. TL is my wife, I love her and want to have a family with her.”
All that being said, I completely support a woman’s right to choose. Also, I support conditions that allow a woman to make that choice without fear of how she will pay for the birth and support her baby once born.