Sexual compulsion still?

Lesson 24 of Recovery Nation says:
“I. Create your own Wheel of Sexual Compulsion that is more closely related to your behavior. This can be done by simply listing the cumulative elements involved in your compulsive behavior. This shouldn’t take you more than five minutes. List these elements (associated with no particular ritual — but more your addiction in general) in your recovery thread.
II. Choose a real-life example of EVERY major sexual ritual that you engage in (these should be compulsive rituals, not healthy) and break each down into their smallest elements (based on the elements identified in your wheel of sexual compulsion).”

I’m really done with sexual compulsions. It has been approximately 50 months since I have viewed porn, masturbated, or touched a woman who is not my wife. 

Is it possible to study a compulsion that I left behind years ago? 

Is it helpful?


10 thoughts on “Sexual compulsion still?

      1. I know what you mean; triggers might not be the right word as it is used in trauma. On the other hand, some dates trigger me and therefore he feels affected (vicariously triggered ?). Mmm nice addition for trauma sprecialists.
        It might be better to state what you said…when it is resolved and in the past…leave it there, what is the purpose to drag it up other than revive negativism.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. My H, whose last compulsive behavior was June 12, 2014 (going on 29 months) is asleep in our bed next to me as I respond. He may feel differently, but I suspect this would be a hard exercise for him…and I’m not sure he would want to go there. As I think about it, I’m not sure I’d want him too, either, at this point. As E says above, it seems like it has the potential to trigger? I’ll get his input when he gets up 🙂
    Thank you for your transparency. It is strengthening to us as we work to reconcile…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. @sixpencejp and I talked about this, and he is here with me helping craft this response.

    In terms of doing the exercise, he has no interest, and sees no benefit. Actually, on the contrary…believes it could be a trigger. He is willing to recall as much as I need him to for my healing, but prefers not taking his thoughts back to what he now sees are destructive behaviors.

    To start and continue his healthy sexual life now, he has done several things. Sixpencejp explored deeply his root pain and backstories, and assigned new realities to those lies that had driven him for much of his life…well before he knew me, and before we were married. He worked a recovery program, attending 2-3 meetings weekly for the first couple years, and continues to attend one regularly now. Together, we have read numerous books, we engage in intentional daily rituals (rapid gratitude sessions, daily temperature readings) and created a mission statement that we revisit regularly.

    In addition, we are now marriage coaches, and work with other couples regularly who are experiencing the pain of infidelity.

    How about you, MC?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Thanks. I agree that going back and trying to re-study past bad behaviors that we have long since stopped may not be helpful.

    Wow! I am impressed by the work the two of you have done. In answer to your question, we have seen three therapists together, I am now on my second individual therapist, I spent a year studying for a religious conversion, we did one of Rick Reynolds’s programs together, and I continue introspection to learn the causes of my misguided thinking and seeking strategies to change my thinking. We also try to read and discuss a lot together.

    The mission statement and daily temperature readings sound interesting. I’d be curious about those.

    We have a regular ritual we call “what am I thankful for today.” I wonder whether that is similar to your “gratitude sessions.”

    I would love for TL and I to get involved in marriage coaching, both as learners and as teachers.

    In any case, thank you for writing. It is helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It sounds like your “thankful” ritual is similar to the gratitude sessions. We will literally hold hands and look each other in the eye and take turns saying something we are grateful for, back and forth, for 2-3 minutes. Things range from “the way you make me feel when you hold me”, to “the yard man,” to “the rain we needed so badly,” to “waking up to a delicious cup of coffee you prepared…” Point is we try to really consider ALL things we are grateful for. Gets us in the mindset of gratefulness, for each other, and other things in our world.

      We have to run to church, but we will email you about the DTR process and coaching. It has been incredibly healing to walk alongside others.

      Hope you have a glorious day.

      Liked by 1 person

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