Hard to let go of the gray

I know I have written before about never again wearing rose-colored glasses and now finding myself too often wearing gray-colored glasses. I have moments where I let light and laughter in and it feels so freeing, so good. Soon after those very moments I rebel against them fearing happiness, fearing that it might mean I am reaching for those rose-colored glasses again. That fear is my armor, my shield. Letting it down for moments here and there is one thing, but letting it go is something else all too scary. ¬†Rationally, I think I know that gray and rose are not the only choices. But, somehow my heart is having a hard time believing it to be true. I don’t want to wear any fucking glasses anymore. Sigh.

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3 thoughts on “Hard to let go of the gray

  1. Same here. I choose to stay. I do not want to be the bitter person, with the anger. I do not want to be the person who hides from social life and who protects herself with an impenetrable layer.
    But to let go…be the person I want to be…is difficult. There are good days, but the triggers, the memories….
    I have a trust issue…
    With the extra dimension of people knowledge (I sense liars), comes the backlash of not being able to trust.
    After a moment of laughter…I nearly feel silly. It is all superficial. When you cannot trust the only person you gave you everything to.
    But, I do not want to life like that….
    We need to help each other to see the good stuff and to allow ourselves to enjoy the moments of happiness.
    Love
    Elisabeth

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh E, you really do understand. It’s both sad (because I hate that either of us struggle with this) and reassuring (because we are not struggling alone). And, yes, so very true, “we need to help each other to see the good stuff and to allow ourselves to enjoy the moments of happiness.” Love, TL xx

      Liked by 1 person

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