I’m learning to be me again

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We have a gated driveway. A while ago it stopped working. The landlord sent out a repair person to fix it. The person told us a new motor would be necessary. He then left and told us he would return with the new part when it was available.

Thinking about our overseas life, about how all the 110/220 transformers we ever used had fuses (so the fuse blows and not the transformer), I wondered if the same might be true for the gate. So, I opened up the circuit box  to take a look. Sure enough, there was an extra fuse in the box. I replaced the old fuse with the extra, and it all worked again.

The repair person had taken apart the gate arm in trying to discover what was wrong. After the fuse was fixed, the gate was opening too wide. It was then I realized the repair person had put the arm back in the wrong position, so I fixed it. It is all working now.

Why is this story so important to me? Because in the past I would have been afraid of offending MC’s ego, his male-pride. I was so afraid of his hurt pride, that I would not have even thought about fixing it myself, let alone actually fixing it.

I am proud of me, for not letting that old fear get in the way. I’m proud of MC for taking pride in this accomplishment of mine, small though it may be. I am happy to see that he no longer defines his masculinity by such things. And, I am happy to see that I can learn to be me again.

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6 thoughts on “I’m learning to be me again

  1. Sonofabeach, thank you. Though MC has assured me for some time that he appreciates this part of me now, it is hard to overcome the fear. I am so glad that I took a step away from fear and toward me.

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  2. Very interesting post! Just over the weekend I was doing something (not impossible, but a bit heavy and slow going). Hub said “why don’t you ask for help?” My thought was “I don’t want to ask you for help. I don’t want to need your help.” I replied, “I’ve got it.” And I did it – no help needed. 2 days later I was preparing to do the same thing & hub just jumped in & did it. I wonder if this independence is rooted in our trust issues?

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    1. 15gen, interesting. For me, I think it is trusting in MC more, trusting that he loves me and accepts me for who I am, not some vision of who he thinks a wife, a woman, should be. Feeling less afraid to do things that I enjoy doing, less afraid that he will somehow take it as a judgement on his abilities as a man, less afraid that he sees me as competition and more assured that he sees me as a partner with my own unique strengths that are to be cherished, not squashed because of some misogynistic view of the world. This isn’t the first time I’ve taken such action since d-day. It is the first time I did so and was happy and proud to show my work to MC, instead of hesitating to share with him because of remnants of fear of offending him.

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  3. Wow! That was fantastic. For both of you! That you’re able to stretch your wings to their full potential (which is what lets you fly!) and that he was able to see your outstretched wings and rather than be intimidated by them, he complimented them. I love this. Thank you for sharing it with us 🙂

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