For much of our married life we have not lived near “home” because of MC’s schooling and then his job. Prior to d-day, I would miss home from time-to-time, but it was not this underlying longing that I now have since d-day. When MC was away for the year for work, the kids and I got to be home. I thought it would quench my thirst, make me realize why long ago I had decided a little distance was not a bad thing. But, it didn’t. The longing grew. I did not want to leave.
MC was willing to stay, put in a few job applications even, but I must admit I assumed the worst. That it was likely him playing chicken with me. You see, in just a few short years, he will be fully vested in his company, which means some very awesome lifetime benefits that are quite a motivating factor. So, in the end, before he would ever say anything to his HR department about wanting to quit, I would stop him and I came to believe that he was counting on exactly that.
As we get closer to our next overseas move, the homesickness grows within me. As we prepare for our oldest child’s Bar Mitzvah and are inviting family from back home, the home sickness grows within me. I wish we could be home for such big events. Last night I was sad about home. MC again said he would quit. That he would send an e-mail right now to do so. He started writing. I thought he was playing a game of chicken with me and I decided I had to know if that is what he was doing or not. So, this time I didn’t stop him. I left the room while he was writing. He sent the e-mail.
Here is the thing though. As much as I want to go home. We need those benefits. We’ve put in too many years to walk away from it now. He knows it, I know it, and he knows that I know it. So, while there is a huge part of me that is so glad to see that this was not a game, he was serious, he was actually willing to quit. The other part of me is now scared to death that something has been set into motion that may not be able to be undone. He is reaching out to HR today to find out exactly what leaving before vesting would mean. If it means losing it all, we cannot quit. Now, I am a nervous wreck that we may not even have the option to stop that ball from rolling.