Wishing to change the past

I recently wrote about the “if onlys.”  That was inspired by lesson two of John Baker’s Stepping Out of Denial.   I’ll continue with Baker’s questions.

Baker says:  “Instead of worrying about things that we cannot control, we need to focus on what God can do in our lives. What are you worrying about? Why?”  I don’t know about this statement.  What’s God doing in it?  Rather than God, it seems like the statement ought to say that we should focus on what we ourselves can do in our daily lives.  Then, this discussion would make more sense to me.

Before D-day, I think I did worry about certain things I could not control instead of focusing on things I could control.  I worried about my past experiences, or lack thereof. I should have told myself that my past experiences were not only immutable, but also far less important to the present and future than I believed them to be.

As for today, I do think I have successfully stopped worrying about the past or about immutable conditions.  Yes, I do sometimes worry about the future.  But, a certain amount of worrying about the future is normal, as long as I focus on ways I can affect the future rather than just worrying about things that are inevitable or unknowable.


4 thoughts on “Wishing to change the past

  1. Hi R4L,
    I like your post. I do something similar with my clients who present with anxiety. I asked them to take a piece of paper and draw a vertical line in the middle from top to bottom. On the left side on the top they write “things I can control” and on the other “things I cannot control”.
    Clients write things like: I can eat better and sleep more and do exercises and go for regular check-ups with my doctor (this is under their control, it is a choice). What they cannot control is that they get a heart attack, totally out of the blue. But the control part, helps them to do all they can to prevent bad stuff to happen and it provides a sense of peace.
    Same with marriages, we have choices and we make mistakes, but we can also do what we know is good for our marriage. It is a choice and we have that under our control. What we cannot control is that despite our best efforts, our partners stray. There are lots of reasons for that but in the first place it is the partner’s choice and something they could control but choose not to. As many betrayed partners wrote on their blogs….most of them regret it for ever.


    1. Dr. Elizabeth, thanks for commenting. Just to be sure we’re on the same page, let me clarify that I am the betrayer, MindlessCraft (MC). I don’t think anxiety was really an issue for me. It was more like self-doubt and irrational hopes.

      TigerLily (TL), on the other hand, may have additional thoughts on your comment.

      I took a look at you blog. I am intrigued, and I’ll gradually attempt to read more of it!

      Liked by 1 person

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