Have the damn beer already.

So, I am now working from home. In an attempt to not allow myself distraction, I’ve created a log-in on my computer that is separate for work. I have not saved passwords to all my favorite distractions on this separate log-in, so don’t have easy access during work times. It is working out quite well. School starts up again next week. Trying to manage both is going to be difficult, so probably even less time in the netherworld than even now. But, maybe that is not such a bad thing.

A recent struggle is becoming more apparent. Perhaps minor, perhaps something more substantive is needed.  But, while I have the chance to talk with our blogging friends, I thought I would. So, here it is:

Our youngest gets on a topic and focuses on it for months at a time before moving on to the next topic of interest. He started asking “Why does Daddy treat you like G-d?” Or, “why do you treat Mommy like G-d?” “That’s going to make G-d angry.” Or, after reading a book on wolves, “Mommy is alpha and Daddy is omega.” Or, “Daddy is Mommy’s minion.”

You get the picture. I want a partner and an equal, not a minion. Our older child knows what happened, generally, not specifically, and MC had a big talk with him at the time of my zombie existence. Our youngest, however, was just not so aware of it all. It does make me sad that most memories he has were of the post d-day Mommy, not the pre d-day Mommy. Anyway, after repeating the same refrain again, MC finally had a talk with him, just before the Superbowl. MC basically said something along the lines of. . .

Daddy hurt Mommy a lot and acted like a selfish little boy, but now he is working hard to be a good daddy, a good husband and a good man. Part of that is being a kind, considerate, and loving husband and father. Part of that is helping Mommy to fulfill some of her dreams that she put aside for so many years to help me with mine.

So, we are watching the Superbowl with the kids and MC asked me, “should I have a beer?” I replied, “have one if you want one, it’s up to you.” He persisted, “what do you think I should do?”

“WTF, why the hell are you asking me?” I wanted to say that to him, but with the kids there it was a toned down version. It seemed to me he wanted me to convince him that it was OK to have a beer. I really don’t give a flying fuck if he has a beer. But, I ended up laying it all out for him, all the things he already knew. We have a ton of beer left over from a 2014 party, I don’t think we are supposed to ship it with us when we move overseas, it is the SuperBowl, and we were staying home the rest of the night. Why did I even do that? Pretty much laying out the case, when I don’t even care if he has one or not.

I am not sure what this all indicates, but it is not sitting well with me.

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3 thoughts on “Have the damn beer already.

  1. TL I so understand what you’re saying here. I am constantly faced by the depth of my husbands emotional immaturity. He can’t seem to work his own way through the cognitive hoops that weigh up actions and consequences – even in the most mundane of situations. Sometimes his inadequacy makes me despair!
    I have no solutions. It’s like when the rest of us was doing LIVING 101 aged from about 14 – 25 my husband got stuck! Physically he may have left adolescence but mentally he got stuck!
    Sorry to sound so miserable but I’ve had a few examples of this to cope with just recently. I feel the emotional labour is not split fairly.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MR, sorry it has taken me so long to respond. I’ve been under it. Really stressing about how I’m going to handle work and school at the same time when I can barely keep my ahead above water with just work.

      Yes, in many ways I think part of the problem with our husbands was getting stuck in their social development. Sometimes, I think with MC it is “all or nothing” and I wish he could learn a bit of moderation in terms of decision making. I think on some level he is afraid of making choices in his real life, where he wasn’t in his fantasy life. He often talks of Star Trek – yes, I married a trekkie! The episode where Kirk was split into two. We talk about feeding the good wolf and feeding the bad wolf, he chooses to feed the good wolf now. But, there is so much more to it than that. And, I think that Kirk story he loves to talk about gets at it pretty well. It is not jus about feeding the good. But, recognizing that some of the traits that we consider negative, such as decisiveness for example, actually are constructive when part of a whole and not separated out to only be used by the bad wolf. Integrating = integrity. I don’t know. I could just be grasping at straws.

      Regarding the ability to make choices, not getting paralyzed in fear of choosing incorrectly, I know MC is addressing this with B, at least until she soon retires. Perhaps he will talk more of this on the blog at some point?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Life is so f**cking complicated. Navigating the grey waters that stretch from black and white is difficult for all of us unless you simplify. My h has simplified all his life. “All roads lead to Rome” – meaning don’t get hung up – chill out – don’t worry – the sky’s not going to fall in. But where exactly is my h’s Rome? He doesn’t say it any more. No surprise there. He’s learned that roads can lead to all sorts of nasty unexpected places.

        H is also a sci-fi fan. He has sci-fi dreams!!!!! Go figure. Aliens. Space ships. Intergalactic warfare. My dreams when I remember them are probably seeds for a Freudian field day. Can I share something else with you – he likes Zombie films but they scare him. I have to be in the house when he watches them!!!! Where is his head I wonder sometimes.

        Good luck with the school. It always appears more daunting when you are looking ahead. Once you start those feelings diminish and when you get to half term or the end of term, you look back and smile.

        I always think I’m going to drown during Jan and February – I look at my timetable and want to pull my hair out. I still have a mountain of marking to do – but hey, I’ll get there. All roads lead to Rome don’t they! Only Joking 🙂 🙂 🙂

        Like

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