So, I am now working from home. In an attempt to not allow myself distraction, I’ve created a log-in on my computer that is separate for work. I have not saved passwords to all my favorite distractions on this separate log-in, so don’t have easy access during work times. It is working out quite well. School starts up again next week. Trying to manage both is going to be difficult, so probably even less time in the netherworld than even now. But, maybe that is not such a bad thing.
A recent struggle is becoming more apparent. Perhaps minor, perhaps something more substantive is needed. But, while I have the chance to talk with our blogging friends, I thought I would. So, here it is:
Our youngest gets on a topic and focuses on it for months at a time before moving on to the next topic of interest. He started asking “Why does Daddy treat you like G-d?” Or, “why do you treat Mommy like G-d?” “That’s going to make G-d angry.” Or, after reading a book on wolves, “Mommy is alpha and Daddy is omega.” Or, “Daddy is Mommy’s minion.”
You get the picture. I want a partner and an equal, not a minion. Our older child knows what happened, generally, not specifically, and MC had a big talk with him at the time of my zombie existence. Our youngest, however, was just not so aware of it all. It does make me sad that most memories he has were of the post d-day Mommy, not the pre d-day Mommy. Anyway, after repeating the same refrain again, MC finally had a talk with him, just before the Superbowl. MC basically said something along the lines of. . .
Daddy hurt Mommy a lot and acted like a selfish little boy, but now he is working hard to be a good daddy, a good husband and a good man. Part of that is being a kind, considerate, and loving husband and father. Part of that is helping Mommy to fulfill some of her dreams that she put aside for so many years to help me with mine.
So, we are watching the Superbowl with the kids and MC asked me, “should I have a beer?” I replied, “have one if you want one, it’s up to you.” He persisted, “what do you think I should do?”
“WTF, why the hell are you asking me?” I wanted to say that to him, but with the kids there it was a toned down version. It seemed to me he wanted me to convince him that it was OK to have a beer. I really don’t give a flying fuck if he has a beer. But, I ended up laying it all out for him, all the things he already knew. We have a ton of beer left over from a 2014 party, I don’t think we are supposed to ship it with us when we move overseas, it is the SuperBowl, and we were staying home the rest of the night. Why did I even do that? Pretty much laying out the case, when I don’t even care if he has one or not.
I am not sure what this all indicates, but it is not sitting well with me.