The heart of the matter

The kids are home and MC went into work today. As I drove us in the thundering storms to Subway for lunch, I was listening to one of my favorite songs by Don Henley, “The heart of the matter.”

There are parts of that song that almost bring me to tears every time I hear it:

. . .The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness. . .

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
...People filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
The trust and self-assurance that can lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us,
Doesn't keep me warm

. . .The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness. . .

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness. . .

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness. . .

Sadness, anger, bitterness, humiliation, those feelings are mine and I cannot run away from myself. I need to find a way to let these feelings go, to not let them have space in my life anymore. I’m just not sure how to get there. If it is about forgiveness, I’m not sure I ever will get there. While such feelings don’t consume me as often as they used to, a song, a sight, a thought still can show me that rabbit hole and call my name.

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4 thoughts on “The heart of the matter

  1. That’s a great song. Such a good songwriter. I’ve read that it takes 3-5 years to truly be “over” an affair. From what I’ve read in your posts, you guys seem to be on the right track. Not sure if those triggers ever go away but maybe you gain tools to manage them more comfortably. Hang in there, and don’t give up. We have our rabbit holes, for one reason or another. Just don’t stay down there too long at a time. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Sonofabeach! I see a lot of improvement in how I reacted to triggers a year ago, two years ago. Still they happen, sigh. . .

      I suppose facing those feelings, allowing myself to acknowledge their occurrence, without allowing them to take me over is the goal. One step forward at a time, though sometimes it feels like 1/1000th of a step forward is more like it.

      And, yes, I love Don Henley solo and as part of the Eagles. Both have some fantastic songs!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. …the more I know, the less I understand…
        i never had any idea how excruciating this process would be. I never knew I would be part of this process. I never dreamed the pain that could be inflicted by the one I was closest to. I never knew that lies could be so well woven, and that I could be so obtuse.
        Carry on, R4Life…you are one of my heros. I know you are having a weary moment, but I pray you carry on and find your way back to the path. I’m following. HUGS.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Savingshards, thank you. It is certainly not always an easy road, some days are more wearisome than others. Not sure why more so now, but just worn out lately. I appreciate the kind words, support and encouragement. TL xx

          Liked by 1 person

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