So, we finally saw Trainwreck. It was a trigger for both of us, but MC handled it much better than I did.
Do you remember how I told you about my best friend from high school, the one that I went dancing and drinking with too much while in college. Well, I never realized before just how much Amy Schumer reminds me of her. I never saw it before, it never clicked with me before. Oh my, she is a dead ringer for her in this movie.
She tended to push people away when they would get too close. Our friendship had its drama because of this, but I was one of few friends who knew what she was up to and called her on it. She was my best friend. She was like a sister. In fact, I see that parallel in the Trainwreck movie as well.
She was upset that I chose MC. First by not agreeing to hang out with her and some guys she wanted us to hang out with, then by my agreeing to move away from “home” with MC. She seemed finally to accept it. She appeared to be getting herself together and we did keep in touch occasionally. We would see each other when MC and I would return home for visits once every few years. One visit home we introduced her to a friend of MCs. They married about a year later and now have two kids not too much younger than ours.
Over the years she would be hot and then cold. Her words would be flowery, but her actions were the opposite. She would be excited we were coming to town, we would make plans, and then she would always cancel at the last moment with some lame excuse or drama.
I know she was mad at me for becoming the “woman behind the man” instead of just a force in my own right. She had such high expectations of who I would become and what I would accomplish. She flat out told me she was disappointed in who I had become. I know now she saw me letting go of myself in a way I never realized. I know now it pained her to see that happen. But, she resented me for it. And, no matter the reason or timing (even before MC) she resented any kind of change, whereas I thrived on it.
Finally, she said she could not be my friend any more because I had changed, because I didn’t focus enough on our friendship and because she wanted more than I could give not living in the same town, state, or country. In the end, it was for the best, I think? That was over 6 years ago and I have not been in contact with her since. I know, in many ways, she was not a healthy person to have in my life (a pattern I am learning to recognize and change).
A year after my mom died, she sent me a small note on Facebook. It was right after d-day! She told me she still cared for me, thought of me and was sorry to see that my mom had died. I didn’t write her back. I had too much drama in my life and just couldn’t take any more.
After seeing Trainwreck, I could not help but be reminded of her. MC and I turned to each other and both said her name. It was clear, it was obvious. And, for some reason, I was sad.