There seems to be this grand divide among those of us who attempt to reconcile and those who don’t. In fact, it reminds me of the same type of divide between stay-at-home-moms and working moms.
If we are confident in our decision for ourselves, then I do believe such acrimony would not exist. But, that’s just it, isn’t it? None of us knows what the future holds and that is scary. And, questioning ourselves is part of the process of choosing the best path forward.
Perhaps it is scary when someone chooses a different path. I do believe that criticizing another’s choice is actually nothing more than us questioning our own choices. No matter the choice made, we each need to know that we can and will be ok within ourselves, no matter what comes our way in this life. And, perhaps focusing such evaluations on ourselves, as opposed to on another, could actually help us to reach that personal goal.
Here’s the thing, the goal of being ok within ourselves, does not happen just because one seeks divorce. How many times have I seen those in the divorce camp encouraging someone to leave to find someone new, because they deserve a healthy loving partner. I understand the sentiment, but I don’t really think that is healthy either. It still seems to be encouraging seeking happiness through another. If divorce is chosen, shouldn’t it be the goal to be ok within ourselves, regardless of any partner that may or may not exist? If reconciliation is chosen, shouldn’t it be the goal to be ok within ourselves, regardless of our partner?
The way I see it, the end-goal is not different, it is simply the path chosen that is different. This applies to the decision to divorce or reconcile, but equally applies to diagnosis and treatment options as well. Like the stay-at-home-mom or the working-mom, we all want the best path forward for ourselves and our family. I don’t see why choosing a different path to get there should hinder our ability to understand, learn from and support each other.
We do not have to reinvent the wheel, learning from others that have faced these choices before us. But, at the same time, attempting to destroy another’s newly built wheel because it looks a bit different from our own, says more about our lack of confidence in our own wheel than it says about anything or anyone else.