MC has done a lot to reprioritize his life. Prior to D-day, we really only saw him on weekends, with him waking up very early for two hours of exercise and then leaving for work before the kids were awake and then returning after all were in bed. Those nights he returned prior to bedtime, I would ask him to read our youngest a bedtime story and he would inevitably fall asleep mid-sentence while reading. This has all changed!
He now drives our oldest to school, he only exercises 30 minutes each morning, inviting me and the kids to participate with him if we want. He is home for dinner every night, he is involved with the kids’ activities, he helps with homework and bedtime routines, he is helping with carpooling and a plethora of other examples. Family comes first on a day-to-day basis. After our year apart, we had a choice of several positions. We decided as a family. He took a position that would have very limited travel. We are here now.
Only the job ended up having “opportunities” for him to travel much more than expected. These are two-day, one-night trips typically, with an occasional slightly longer trip with his CEO. The small trips are just Mindless going to teach newbies certain skills. These started just once/quarter, but his reputation for being good at this has increased dramatically and he is being requested more and more. This has been so good for him, on a career level and personally.
He started with one/quarter as that is all I could handle. But, the requests for him have increased. Where Mindless thinks that we are deciding as a team, I feel guilty saying, “no,” knowing how good this is for him. He prefers being able to talk about each trip on an individual basis together and decide together. Yet, for me, it began to feel like I was wielding this very strong “veto” power, knowing he would go on any trip I did not “veto.”
Here’s the thing, I don’t want to have that responsibility. I want him to set limits on the travel himself, including factoring in what is good for our family. So, I asked him to set his own limit on travel and then stick to it. So, he has set a limit of two trips, no more than a total of three-nights away per quarter. I know I still have “veto” power if I want because of some timing not working well or other things going on in our life. But, I really don’t want to use it. Does that make any sense at all? I am hopeful that this benefits both of us.