I don’t really have anything compelling to say today. I take that as good news. This morning I remarked at how much better I feel about us compared to two or three years ago. Even a year ago, we had some desperate, painful episodes that kept us awake several nights in a row and seared like wounds for weeks at a time.
There are still moments when TL is overcome by fear, anger, or pain about our relationship. But, now those moments last several minutes or a few hours. They used to last entire days or several days. Now those moments come every couple of weeks or so. They used to come several times a week.
We still blog, pray, attend counseling, talk about accountability and fears, and remain cognizant of where we’ve been in our relationship. But, today at least, I feel free of that serious doubt that we could ever again be happy. Today at least, I feel I can relate to my wife with regard to sex, friendship, money, work, parenting, and many things like “normal couples,” without everything being tinged by the infidelity.
The toxic waste that I buried in our garden is still there. It will forever be there. We’ll never forget it’s there. But, even in Chernobyl, flowers now bloom and animals now thrive. Today I see some flowers in our garden. Instead of fearing the next radiation warning, today I’m just going to smell the flowers. I’m already past my half-life.