MC: “State of our union”

I don’t really have anything compelling to say today.  I take that as good news.  This morning I remarked at how much better I feel about us compared to two or three years ago.  Even a year ago, we had some desperate, painful episodes that kept us awake several nights in a row and seared like wounds for weeks at a time.

There are still moments when TL is overcome by fear, anger, or pain about our relationship.  But, now those moments last several minutes or a few hours.  They used to last entire days or several days.  Now those moments come every couple of weeks or so.  They used to come several times a week.

We still blog, pray, attend counseling, talk about accountability and fears, and remain cognizant of where we’ve been in our relationship.  But, today at least, I feel free of that serious doubt that we could ever again be happy.  Today at least, I feel I can relate to my wife with regard to sex, friendship, money, work, parenting, and many things like “normal couples,” without everything being tinged by the infidelity.

The toxic waste that I buried in our garden is still there.  It will forever be there.  We’ll never forget it’s there.  But, even in Chernobyl, flowers now bloom and animals now thrive.  Today I see some flowers in our garden.  Instead of fearing the next radiation warning, today I’m just going to smell the flowers.  I’m already past my half-life.


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