This week I’ve been feeling like I am living in limbo, specifically I feel like I am waiting to live. I think there are a variety of reasons, some related to all that has happened, and some related to just our lifestyle due to MC’s job.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, HURRY. Wait, wait, wait, wait, HURRY. This is truly what our lifestyle entails.
We will move overseas again next summer, but we do not yet know to where. So, we wait.
I finish my Masters this spring, and then will job hunt, but I don’t yet know where we will be living to even explore what might be possible for my job hunt. So, I wait.
These are normal things I know many other expats deal with too. But, then I am adding in a sense of “watching and waiting” when it comes to MC and my relationship too. Three years now and there most certainly has been progress in a positive direction. But, I cannot quite get over this feeling of watching and waiting. Waiting for what? I don’t know. For him to mess it up, maybe? I cannot quite put my finger on it fully, but I just feel like I am waiting to live. I feel like I am getting by (surviving), not so much living. I actually don’t really know how to define the difference between “surviving” and “living.” I do feel like there is one though. Really, I just know that I don’t want to wait anymore, but I don’t really know how to start either.
Perhaps getting my butt out of the house and off the damn computer, starting an exercise program and spending less time hiding out in my cave (house) would help. I’m just struggling to find the motivation to do it.