MC: “Remorse.”

You just read about how I failed to act quickly on the vasectomy.  I’ve written a post about a similar failure regarding individual counseling.  I’m grateful to be in individual counseling now, but I took too long to get there.  You’ll see that post soon.  But first, I want to say something about remorse, remorse for my years of cheating, lying, and hurting TL.

First, I’m far from perfect, as a man and as a husband.  But, I’m working so hard to learn from each of my mistakes, to deepen my empathy and emotional maturity, and to be a better person and a better husband for TL.  Yes, even in my attempts to make things better after D-day, I’ve had failures. There were times I hesitated.

I’m doing the homework.  I studied hard, for months, for my religious conversion.  I found our first two counselors and the attorney.  I booked my own polygraph exams. I studied hard with Rick Reynolds.  Every single day I work on my personality flaws and on our relationship.  I’ve worked harder on this than on anything else in my life. I do things lovingly, willingly, and for the right reasons.

I hesitated on the vasectomy and individual counseling due to my own fear, confusion, and ineptitude.  I failed by waiting for reminders from TL before jumping right on those things.  I did do those things of my own free will and was happy to do them, but I hesitated.

I failed to identify an individual counseling path for myself in a timely manner.  But, since starting, I book and consistently attend the individual counseling sessions.  I haven’t missed one.  Nor have I wasted a moment in a session.  I am on-task, deeply honest, deeply vulnerable, and both emotional and analytical — to the best of my abilities — in each session with B.  And, when we move again, you bet I’ll get a new individual counselor, right away.

My heart is in the right place, my work is arduous and sincere, and I can’t even begin to describe how sorry I am for my years of crimes against TL, but I did hesitate on the individual counseling and the vasectomy.

Ultimately, I did those things and I’m happier that I did.  As evil as I was before D-day, my intentions toward TL, reconciliation, and improving my own mental health are pure. I know my emotional development is far from finished. As much as I know that I am truly remorseful, TL needs me to not hesitate to know it too.

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3 thoughts on “MC: “Remorse.”

      1. If you guys could go through the weekend it’s even better. Change your life to think, love and breath differently. We had been to 20 years of councilors and the Lord brought us to Rick and completely changed our marriage and how we saw one another. Changed our kids lives too.

        Liked by 1 person

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