Before we left “home” for MC’s new job, we got together one more time with our friends, I’ll just refer to them as the Perel friends. Knowing they were huge proponents of honesty within a marriage (open or otherwise), I found myself confiding my worries about MC’s smoking lie and what it meant to the future of our relationship. Was this a set-back or a deal breaker? I was reminded of the progress that MC has made, the efforts he has gone to in giving me safety and his devotion to me and our children. I was also reminded of the fact that MC is changing a lifetime of bad habits. A lifetime of coping with life through lies instead of facing shameful truths. Perhaps I could and should consider this more of a set-back than a deal-breaker.
This situation also opened up wider discussion between MC and I about the difference between ego and self-esteem, the difference between trying to please others as opposed to doing what is right for its own sake. This was the beginning of a greater conversation, a conversation I decided was worth pursuing together. I went with MC to his next job.