We left the shit hole and, due to logistical reasons, oldest child (OC) and I went back to the US for about a month while MC tied up loose ends at his old job. We met up with MC and moved on to his next job. Our first year was one of the best of our marriage in many ways. We learned to dive together. We spent a lot of time at the beach with friends and as a family. We started Saturday morning dives followed by lunch as our special date time. We had Wednesday pizza and wine nights at our house with friends. We had Sunday morning brunch on the beach with friends each week. It was a really lovely life in so many ways. Then things started becoming unsafe and MC’s job was starting to go down hill as well. We went on vacation back to the US. The country really took a turn for the worse. MC had to return to our house, our dogs, and his job. But OC and I were not allowed to return with him.
Three months later, OC and I were allowed to return. We arrived the same day as MC’s boss was flying in to town. MC, after three months apart, was unable to meet us at the airport. Yet again, work came first. I tried to be understanding, but a part of me could not understand why he didn’t send someone else to meet the boss instead. Work first, work always first. I arrived home and the housekeeper was there to greet us. I got a weird vibe from her. MC walked in to say a quick “hello” and she was looking at him and acting nervous. I later privately asked MC if everything was ok with her, did something happen while I was away? He told me he had no idea what I was talking about, she seems fine, nothing out of the ordinary (ha!). I believed him.
While away from MC, I exercised every day and was the fittest I had been in years. I felt good, I looked good and I was proud of it. I was pleased to find MC appeared to approve of the new fit me. I kept up my workouts upon returning, going to the local gym with friends each day. Our sex life improved too. I wasn’t sure if it was from him missing me or because I was more fit now, but I took it.
Before we returned, MC called every day to talk. His job was not going well and he was down, depressed, sullen and glib. I chalked it up to the job and to us being away. He claimed to miss us deeply. When we returned I noticed he was not talking to me like he used to do, but I continued to chalk it up to problems at work. I used to be his confidante about a lot of things, but especially work. Now, he would get mad if I ever brought it up and he would not talk about it with me.
We still had our Saturday date days, our Sunday morning brunch, and our Wednesday pizza nights with friends. I relished time with friends for many reasons, but most because it was the only time I would see MC at ease, laughing, having fun, telling stories about his day, talking about what was going on around us in country, etc.
A couple of months after we returned, I became pregnant with youngest child (YC). MC continued diving Saturday mornings, just without me. Our date days stopped. I was bleeding and put on “modified” bed rest. I could walk short distances, just no lifting, no carrying, no straining or exercise. Our social life was reduced, but not eliminated. The pregnancy was difficult and lonely in many ways. MC would refuse to touch my stomach to feel the baby kicking. He wouldn’t touch me, again he wouldn’t look at me, and he really wasn’t talking to me about anything except logistics and items on his “to-do” list. What the hell was going on? Where did my friend go? Where did he go?