TL: “I just wanted to chuck the entire past.”

We move a lot for MC’s job, less once the kids were in school, but before kids and school came a long, quite a bit. I loved the new adventures. I loved that time with MC. We worked together so well, when we did work together. We explored so many new places, new cultures, new environments. That first five years after leaving the US were beautiful in many ways.

I think admitting to having joy in my life pre d-day with MC has been hard for me to do, as I just wanted to chuck the entire past into a heap of “it really wasn’t all that great ever.” The truth is there were some beautiful times. MC was receiving a lot of good attention from his superiors and I do think that provided some source of validation that was a positive influence for him and in our lives.

We had our difficulties too. I was dealing with my own sense of ego loss when I left my career to join MC overseas. I really wasn’t all that fond of my career, but it had been a part of my identity for several years and with that now gone, I was grasping to find my place. With work options very limited, with household help being overly available and affordable, with MC and I feeling more settled in our life together as a couple, we decided it was time to have children. This turned into another difficulty, eventually requiring the aid of fertility treatments to successfully conceive and maintain a pregnancy.

We were  both excited and worried about our baby. Many emergency trips to the hospital thinking we had lost the baby, only to find a strong heart beat on the ultrasound screen. MC was by my side for the pregnancy as much as his job would allow. MC’s company sent us temporarily to safer environs during my 2nd trimester until it was safe for our baby to travel to a new job. We were alone. Though relieved to be someplace with more trustworthy and capable medical care and facilities, I found myself feeling sad that I did not get to share the pregnancy experience with my family or friends. I didn’t have a baby shower and it was just me and Mindless for the birth of our baby. As a first time Mom, I was so scared. But, we had our dogs, we had our baby, we had each other, and I thought we can do this, together.


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