I have a tough time over this friendship and its status. Mindless would like to just cut the friend and his wife from our life forever, never to have to face them again. Yet, all the while I didn’t know, MC appeared to not be ashamed.
Mindless tells me after the phone call to his friend, he felt ashamed. At that time, not with what he was doing with AP1, but that he called his friend thinking he would be all “high fives” and the friend was not. A few months later we traveled and stayed with this friend. The friend had divorced his first wife a year before because she decided she married too young and didn’t love him anymore. He introduced us to the woman he was dating, who would become his wife.
When we went to a restaurant, I went off to the restroom alone. Mindless tells me the couple shared their disapproval, stating something like “I cannot believe you can just act like nothing happened.” I remember a conversation later that trip, now it is all so crystal clear to me. The friend posed a hypothetical. “If one partner cheats on the other, should they tell?” His answer was “no, I think they should have to live with the guilt for the rest of their lives and not hurt their spouse by telling.” I replied that I wasn’t sure, I think I would want to know, but the pain would be immense. He never told me, neither did his girlfriend/wife.
I know some hate friends who kept secrets like this. I don’t hate them, in fact I know that they were put in a very precarious situation. Still, I do wish they had told Mindless, “either you tell her or we will.” I’m sure they had convinced themselves that Mindless learned his lesson and no good would come from telling me. They had no way of knowing just how wrong that would be. They saw us through so many things. The friend was there for me in many ways through the years. In fact he was the executor of our estate and we named them guardians of our children in our will. That has since changed. But, I have not asked for them to be cut out of our lives. I am humiliated. They know I know now. That helps some, though it is clear they don’t want to talk about that elephant in the room. We rarely see them, it is really just a friendship through social media now. I’m not sure where to go with it or what to do. Any way you cut it, it is sad.