Oh my goodness, sometimes this is so very hard. We have talked about these details before. And, I have found it so helpful to use this blog to weave together his memories of what was happening in his thoughts and his version of our life with what I thought was our life together. Still, the pain of rehashing is sometimes overwhelming. His latest post about AP1 was very hard to read. There was nothing new, but I had to fight going down that rabbit hole. I was there for a couple hours last night, but I did escape before it completely overtook me like it used to do. Is this a healthy thing to do? In the moment, sometimes I doubt it. But, then a few days out, when I start seeing how the whole picture is weaving together into a truer narrative and understanding of my life, of our life, I do find that helpful.