TL: “WTF?”

Mindless told me how the AP was extremely concerned that no others find out. Though, she was once married into a wealthy and connected family, she divorced years ago, with little assets, money or connections left. Her child was grown, she seemingly had nothing to lose, no real reason to be concerned. He kept insisting that he felt the same, he did not want anyone to find out, especially me.

All I can figure is that her public persona and her private one were also so different, just like Mindless really, that she could not stand exposing her true nature to anyone. She professed she was a devout Christian and, in earlier years, used to fraternizing with the upper echelons of society. It must have been a blow to her ego that she was reduced to seeking favors and attention from some non-famous, younger, not fabulously wealthy, non-Christian, married man with children. She actually was attempting to convert Mindless to Christianity. I will tell you this, it takes more than quoting the Bible, posting pictures of Jesus everywhere and attending church to be a person of faith. Clearly, she never figured out the “more” part. In fact, Mindless and I used to joke about such people and their lack of self-awareness. Wow, the joke was really on me, wasn’t it?

Sorry, going off on a tangent a bit there. My main point was that I can almost see asking Mindless to put her camera in his carry-on. But, WTF is up with asking him to carry a woman’s blouse and an empty perfume box in his carry-on luggage? She also gave him a black & white, 8×11 photo of herself in her younger years. Was it signed? It may have been. I don’t remember. The moment I found it, I tore it to shreds.

I know I should not even attempt to decipher this shit. But, I cannot help but think that she wanted me to find this stuff, so that Mindless would be kicked-out and come running back to her fabulous, glorious self, so he could pay her way for a bit longer. I was bound to find out regardless, as Mindless was truly Mindless. He used our credit card to reserve her a hotel and pay the excess baggage charge. Normally he stuck to using cash because, you know, we live in cash-based societies and using a credit card is not safe. Unfortunately, that last bit is all too often true with the places we live.

Let me be clear, my anger is far more with Mindless than anyone else. But, Mindless has given transparency into what was going on in his heart and mind and is doing everything possible to take responsibility for his actions. That is not true for the AP.  When I am wronged, by anyone, I want to see them take responsibility for their actions. Regardless, of illicit sexual behavior or some other wrong doing, this is my nature, it is hard for me to let that go. I have always been about fairness and justice, not just for me, but for those I see being mistreated as well. Maybe G-d’s lesson to me in all of this is having to really face that I cannot force life to be fair, I cannot force justice to occur. I cannot fight every injustice. I cannot right every wrong. I cannot control the outcome, only my own inputs. It sure took me a long time to learn that lesson. Well, at least to see the lesson I need to learn.

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