This part of our story begins when we were living overseas. It was summer 2012. We had been married for 18.5 years at this point with two beautiful children.
The children and I went home to the US for a visit. Mindless had been working more and more, and the distance between us had been growing over years really, but to a point where I was turning into this angry person with him. I did not like feeling that way. He was really not present in our day-to-day lives. I should say, only in the capacity to push the children to be what he regretted not being as a child himself. Work ALWAYS came first, EXERCISE always came second. I don’t even know where we rated, if we rated at all. He could not get away from work to come with us for the full 6 weeks that I wanted to go home. So, the children and I decided to go on our vacation 3 weeks before him. This wasn’t uncommon in the expat community. I had never done so, by choice, in the past. But, I was feeling like we were nothing but a nuisance to him, most of our friends were traveling away for the summer too, so why not go home a few weeks ahead of him.
Just before our visit home we were also working on details of his next job, which he needed to line-up a year ahead. For years, he had been telling me he wanted to do a job that would be a fantastic career opportunity, but where no family members were allowed. I had always resisted, but with feeling so alone anyway, I finally agreed. And, it would mean the children and I would be back home, actually living near family for an entire year, for the first time in their lives.
The children and I arrived back home, staying in a place I found on VRBO, for our summer vacation. They signed up for summer camp at a school that we had high hopes for attending should Mindless take that “career opportunity.” Whenever he had been away, on short travel trips for work, he would call everyday to check-in. He wasn’t calling. At one point, I asked, “what is going on, why aren’t we hearing from you?” and his reply was “it is not like we have anything to talk about, I don’t know why we need to talk every day, once a week would be plenty.” I was heart-broken. I asked him, “don’t you want to talk to the kids at least?” He said fine, and we set a time he would call each day. I was so angry, I just put the kids straight on Skype and let them talk. We only talked about his upcoming job and nothing else. That very next weekend, he did not call at his set time.